She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
