Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
