i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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