his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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