Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
