I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
