I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
