What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
