she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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