they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
