I feel great
I just peed on a car
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
