I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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