Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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