Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
