I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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