If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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