My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
