So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
