This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
