i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
