you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
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Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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