If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
