1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
