you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
