i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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