I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
