Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
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I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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