I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
the condom got lost in my hair
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
