I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish you could order shots online.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sext me about skeletons
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
