Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
