i barfeds in our rink
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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