can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
