Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
