I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
