barbara walters just said penis...
My pussy is not your playground.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
