Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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