This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize