Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
