Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
