I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
