Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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