I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Let's paint friendship bongs
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
