i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
