I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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