Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
