I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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