Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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