did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
