Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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