I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
