glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
