if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you never un-have a 4some
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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