you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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