I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
