im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Your dad touched me again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm getting married
To pizza
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
how drunk are you?
Several
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
