But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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