Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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