I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
