very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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