He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
