i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
