you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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