I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize