its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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