singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
