the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
