can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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