you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
