Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
