were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
