my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
