She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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