Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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