My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
