I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
