The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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