physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
