I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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