Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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